Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dick has a subreddit
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
