i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
