Your mouth is God's brothel.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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