i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
