So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't notice because vodka
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
