New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
