so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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