So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
