I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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