Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
