Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
