tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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