i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
