i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
