I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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