My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
