im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
