Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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