she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
