I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
