He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
