Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
