we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i believe in u and ur pee
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