His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
