My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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