i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
