I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
