so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
