i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize