i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
