That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
