Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
