Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
