i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
