What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
