i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
