so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
