I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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