I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
