My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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