New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
