It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
