Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
