yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The feeling are messing with the penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
