So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
