She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
