don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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