my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I came so hard my ears popped.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
