Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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