I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
