If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
