tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
