I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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