Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
