every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
