why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
