I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nobody cheats on THIS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
