so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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