Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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