If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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