I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
