dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
