Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
