At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
