Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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