My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
