Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
