apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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