my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize