hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
