theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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