It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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