I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
