quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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