I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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